Santa's Gay
by ObsessiveCompulsive5699
Summary: Yeah! And you push your belle button and your butt falls off and you have to dig in your butt-" "Like Daddy's partner was doing to him last night in the shed!" Sakura choked, and gave me a dirty look from across the table. "Yeah! Wait What?" NaruSasu AU


**Compulsive Noties**

**God this took forever. I spend roughly eight hours working on this thing, only because i got distracted, then I had Chores to do, it was all BLEH. But anyways, I got it done and before Christmas too! I'm so happy. Enjoy!**

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My footsteps crushed the snow that had just fallen the night before. The blanket of red covered area around the body, this murder was clearly something that had happened hours ago. One of the team was figuring out the Time Of Death, while my partner walked up behind me and placed his hand on my shoulder.

"Sasuke, what are you doing here? It's Christmas Eve." I turned to look at Naruto.

"Oh, thank you, dobe. I really hadn't noticed!" I sarcastically said, stooping to the ground. He followed suit.

"Sorry, teme, for being concerned. Unlike me, you actually have a family to go home to." I sighed thinking of my wife and kids, part of the reason I was here. "This was a choice case." He looked at me. "I mean you really should be home...I can understand if your having troubles and don't want to tell me."

I looked at him with doubt in my eyes, but decided it was best I spill then hold in.

"It's the wife...I don't feel the same with her anymore. Something tells me the love I had is gone. She's gorgeous, smart, amazing body, interesting, nice, lovable..."

"You could go on." He stated, wanting me to shut up. I looked down and began to search for the weapon.

"Sorry..."

"Have your tried sleeping with her." I shuddered.

"Yes."

"That bad, huh?" I nodded.

"I love her, but...I'm not _in_ love with her." I sighed, "I'm not in love with her..."

"What about her made you fall in love?"

"Everything...but all that is what repulses me now. She is exactly the same, but...I'm not...but I'm trying to stay with her for the kids."

"Yeah I understand...kinda..." He paused and looked around, finding no body within ear shot. "Don't take this the wrong way, teme...but...do you think your...gay?" I felt my face automatically go to disgust. I looked over at one of the women bending over to look in the snow. Nothing. I scowled a bit before answering.

"I think so." I looked at Naruto, who seemed as if he had hope in his eyes. "Are you?"

Naruto nodded and I sighed, at least I wasn't alone.

"Want to come over for dinner? The Misses is going all out for Christmas Eve. But all her family lives in Idaho, and you know what happened to mine..." He nodded.

"I'd love to."

-:-

I opened the big oak door.

"Sakura, I'm home! And I brought a friend!" She came from the kitchen un-doing her apron. Her short hair was curled, over the straight hair. Wrapping her arms around me she got on her toes and gave me a kiss. How I longed to break from her hold.

"And this is?" She asked, out reaching her hand. He filled in her hand, and took off his hat.

"Nice to meet you , I've heard so much about you."

"Oh really? I've heard so much about you, too." Her smile glittered. "Well, I have to finish cooking." She looked again at me. "Mash potatoes, your favorite." She turned around complaining about why she had untied her apron, when she wasn't done cooking.

"That's my wife..." I gestured to the small waist now out of view.

"She seems nice."

"She is." Small patter of tiny feet came from up stairs.

"Daddy's home!" A faint voice called as I took off my coat, and placed it on the hooks below the shelf. I put my keys on the shelf as my daughters ran down the steps. I squatted down to be attacked by the small bodies. I hugged both girls as little laughter fill the room.

"Daddy, daddy, look what Ayako and I made!" She held up a piece of paper colored in green and red, with four stick figures placed here and there.

"Yeah, daddy, it's me, you, Ai, and mommy! We made it at pre-school" I smiled.

"It's lovely baby. Go put it on the fridge, and help mommy set the table." Ai began to walk to the kitchen, but Ayako stared up at Naruto, who was beginning to sweat under her glare.

"Whose that?" She asked, pointing a little finger at the grown man.

"Aya, sweetie, that's daddy's partner at work." She said not a word more and ran to follow Ai.

"You have the perfect family!" He cried, quietly, his arms outreached and fingers curled. "Perfect! I mean, your daughters are sweet, your wife is perfect! How can you not be happy?" We walked to the living room and sat down.

"Today is a good day. The girls are adorable, yes, but also very bratty. And 'mommy' and I fight so much...it's just all so...rehearsed." Naruto's brown furrowed.

"Rehearsed?"

"They're not always like this." He nodded.

"Table's set!" Ai sang, running around the corner to grab my hand.

"Okay, okay." I said, standing up to be followed by my guest. We sat down at the table, as Sakura brought in the final dish.

"You know,** dear**," She stressed the word 'dear' I wasn't sure what she was about to say, but I knew it wasn't good, because whenever she stressed the word 'dear' she was about to complain. "You could have helped the girls set the table. I mean-" I scoffed.

"Sakura, are you kidding me? This is ridiculous. Help set the table when I have a guest over? Does that even make sense to you?" I sighed, realizing that it did make sense to her. I just couldn't do anything right in her eyes.

"It's done now, but please try to remember that next time." I rolled my eyes as she sat down and looked over at Naruto. Her plastic smile returned,

"So what is it you two do?"

"Well, to put it in simple terms, ma'am, we just try to figure how who killed this person, when and why. I just happen to be partnered up with Sasuke here." He made a hang gesture to me. I silently chastised myself for thinking dirty thoughts of what that hand could be used for. I coughed trying to keep everything in check in front of my children. "Sasuke is very good at what he does." Naruto commented, eying the food in the middle of the table.

Ai sighed very loudly. "Mommy I'm hungry!" She yelled. Aya looked at her sister,

"Ai, mommy always talks before serving food."

"So! I want dinner now!"

"Your kids have quite the vocabulary." Naruto noted.

"They're in a pretty nice Pre-school." Sakura said, standing up to get the first dish. She began putting small servings on the children's plates.

"So, Naruto, not saying I don't enjoy your presence, because I do, but why aren't you with your family." Naruto sighed, longingly, and looked at the plate of food he had already collected. "Oh...I'm sorry, what happened? If I may ask."

"No, no, it's okay. You see, my dad died before I was born...and I'm not one-hundred percent sure what happened to my mom. And I'm just not so lucky in love." The girls began digging in and Sakura set down the last dish. She walked around the table and set her hand on his shoulder.

"Honey, your young. There's plenty of time to find someone special." She looked up at me and smiled. I tried to return the favor, but found it a bit hard. She went back to her seat.

"Let's dig in." Naruto said picking up his utensils.

-:-

Dinner went by fairly quickly. Ai and Ayako went up stairs, Sakura followed to put on the TV for them. Santa was coming tonight, and wouldn't be arriving if they were downstairs. I decided while everyone was preoccupied to take Naruto to the shed. We walked out the sliding back-doors.

"Your house is so big!" We laughed together.

"I know." I paused. "So...how was the food?" I asked, leading over the grass and past the pool.

"So good. I mean I haven't had a real meal in months."

"Why? We make good money, you should be able to."

"I _could_ if I really wanted to, but I just can't help but buy ramen. Seeing as it's the only thing I can cook." He laughed. "Plus, it's so good!" I chuckled along with him. "So, where exactly are you taking me?"

"To my special place." He kind of gave me a look that said 'And that is where?' I smiled, and pointed at the shed on the other end of the snow covered lawn. "I come here to empty my thoughts, you know? The girls sometime go in there to play house, that's why it has nothing in it."

"They are so cute."

"I know..." I sighed. They were the only reason I was still with Sakura. I opened the door and closed it behind us.

"You said it was empty in here?" I looked around, noticing an old dresser, and a trunk, that I had filled with a red bag of toys.

"You really are unhappy, aren't you?" I nodded. "Want something to cheer you up?" He asked, smiling.

"Sure?" He took a step forward, and I took a step back. He took another step forward and I took another step back. Eventually I was against the wall, and he was on top of me. "Um, Naruto, may I ask what your doing?" The naughty thoughts came back.

"I'm cheering you up." He said, plunging in for the kiss. I wanted to turn away, I wanted to push him off me and go back inside to my wife, this was cheating...but I didn't care. I felt a fire in his kiss that I had never felt before, there was something about this moment right here that didn't compare to anything else I'd ever felt.

His hand ran up my back, and his other hand began to explore. I broke the kiss.

"What about my family?" I hesitated.

"They're inside, right?"

"But, I mean-" He cut me off with another kiss.

"But, you mean your happy to see me, or is that just a roll of quarters attached to this area." He gave me a wicked smile and ran his fingers over my groin.

"Uhh-"

"That's what I thought." This was going to have to be quick. Because I had some Santa-ing to do.

-:-

I limped out of the shed, and Naruto followed me back to the house. I had to think of an excuse or try to walk normal. I tried plan B, but that failed horribly.

"Are you going to be okay?" He asked, standing in front of me. I took the bag from him.

"Yeah, I'll be fine, but you should probably go." He nodded.

"Probably." He looked through the glass door, then pushed me up against the wall next to it before invading my mouth again. I let him roam around a bit more, but I had to break the kiss, because I couldn't go back in there panting and flushed. "Night Santa." I had felt his hand go over my butt, and grab before turning away and walking around the house.

God. I was hard again.

-:-

I laid down next to Sakura and stared at the ceiling. When Naruto had run his hand over my backside he wasn't just feeling around he was giving me his address, when he had time to write that down I don't know.

"Looking forward to Christmas?" She asked, from the other side of the bed.

"I hadn't realized you were awake." She turned to look at me and I looked back at her.

"I was waiting for you." She stated looking deep into my eyes. "Naruto seems nice."

"He is." I didn't want to think about what had happened in the shed. The last thing I needed was another erection.

"So, Sasuke, we should go to Temari and Shika's house tomorrow for brunch. And the kids can play with each other." I made a noise of agreement, and turned away from her.

"Okay..." She sounded defeated.

"I'm sorry Sakura, I just want to go to bed. I'm going to be woken up at six AM to look at the toys the girls got from 'Santa' and I'm going to have to stop by the office early to tell them I have to resign from the case."

"I know, I know, your stressed."

"Goodnight."

-:-

The day sped by like nothing at all. I was happy it was over. Naruto decided to stay on the case for Christmas and I'd help him the next day, if the case wasn't already solved. We got home around four, and Sakura quickly began working on dinner. The girls were busy playing with their new toys, and me? I was watching TV in the living room. The day was nearly over and all I wanted to do was go to bed so it could be tomorrow. At least I could see Naruto at work. I needed to understand what happened yesterday, and what he meant by it. What was the future for us, what was the future for me? What was I going to do.

"Dinner's ready!" Sakura called through the house. We all gathered around the table and quickly served ourselves up. Once everyone had a some of what Sakura had made, it didn't take long for the girls to begin their usual chatter.

"Daddy, guess what Joben told me today!" Ai yelled.

"Daddy would love to hear, just please stop yelling honey."

"Sorry, daddy. But guess what?"

"What?"

"Joben told me where babies come from!" She said, a huge smile upon her face. I gave Sakura a worried look, and she gave me one too. "Well, a stork comes and drops it down, and then a hole comes in your body-"

"And there's blood everywhere, coming out of your head!" Aya cut in, waving her arms around.

"Yeah! And you push your belle button, and your butt falls off, and you have to dig in your butt-"

"Like Daddy's partner was doing to him last night in the shed!" Sakura choked on her biscuit, and gave me a dirty look from across the table.

"Yeah!" Ai continued, before stopping out of confusion. "Wait what?"

"Yes honey, what are you talking about?" Sakura urged.

"Daddy, in the shed! I went out there to ask him to get the cookies we made earlier to set them out for Santa, but he was screaming, and had half of the other guy's-"

"Okay!" I interjected.

"Daddy? Was the other guy looking for something for you?" Ai asked, not understanding what Aya had seen.

What was my first though while all this was happening, and all so quick?

One) She saw? Dear god I've scarred my children for life!

B)Oh. Shit.

"Yes, Sasuke, do tell, was Naruto looking for something for you? Did you find it, **dear**." I was beginning to get pissed. She was taunting me now in her own rage. I threw down my silverware.

"You know what, yes, I did find it, because honey, you sure were giving it to me."

"Maybe because every time I did, you just turned me away."

"Maybe I turned you away because you weren't giving exactly what I wanted._Maybe_ I was repulsed by you, ever think of that?" I yelled, now stood up and hunched over the table.

"Daddy can you tell us what you were looking for?"

"No!" Sakura and I yelled in unison. I realized we were still in front of the children. I sighed and sat back down regaining the temper I had just released.

"Well, maybe we should continue this conversation later."

"I agree." Ai and Aya looked at each other with confusion and shrugged before returning to their food, and striking up a new conversation.

-:-

I waited out front for Sakura to finish putting the girls to bed. I sat on the front porch, elbows on my knees, head in my hands. This was the end of a marriage. And the girls were going to have it rough. I didn't plan on giving them a life like that though, and I didn't want them to. They were such happy girls...they didn't need all this drama.

"Sasuke I want you out by tomorrow morning."

"Sakura, let's not be irrational. I pay the mortgage, you can't kick me out." She collapsed to the floor and began crying. I wanted to jump up and come to her aid, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. "Sakura, please, let's face it, this isn't the worst thing you've caught me doing." She let out a cough of laughter, and looked up from her folded legs and pretzeled arms.

"I guess your right...but...with a man?"

"Don't judge." She sighed.

"No, your right. I'm sorry."

"Don't be, I know this sounds cliche, but it's not you, it's me." She laughed again, wiped her eye.

"My girlfriends always said, better to lose him to a man then to a woman, because at least you know you couldn't do anything." She said, standing up.

"And you really couldn't. I just..." I took her by the chin, and looked her right in the eye. "I love you Sakura, but I'm not _in_ love with you." Another tear rolled down her cheek. "Now I have to go see Naruto." She sighed.

"Go to him. I want you to be happy with or without me." I quickly thanked her, and began to go down the path. "Wait! Sasuke!" I stopped.

"Yes?"

"Are we still going to play the Mommy Daddy bit?" I smiled.

"For the girls, of course." She wiped a tear, and I ran to the car.

-:-

I knocked on the door. It was only nine-o-clock, if Naruto wasn't up Saskue was going to beat the door down and sap him awake. It opened to reveal a half naked Naruto.

"I could have been anyone you know. You really shouldn't answer the door shirtless."

"But you weren't anyone. You were Sasuke." He purred, pulling me in by my belt and closing the door behind me, only to push me up against it and place his lips on mine. He opened his mouth slightly, and I did the same. He ran his tongue along the inside of my teeth and across my tongue. He sucked on my lower lip and pushed his body against mine before taking my wrists and putting them above my head. Then he broke the kiss. "Sorry, Mistletoe." He said kissing my cheek, and pointing up.

I sighed, "Naruto, listen, I don't want to be your sex buddy." I said, roughly.

"Good, I didn't want you to be my sex buddy." He said letting go of my wrists. "I wanted you to be my boyfriend."

"Well, that's all fine and dandy but- Did you just say boyfriend?" He turned around and began walking the other direction.

"Mmhmm."

"Jeez. Character change much?" He turned to look at me.

"It's...rehearsed." He laughed out.

"Rehear...oh..."

"The good boy act. That's how I" He turned around and made the motion of a person fishing. "Lure them in." I walked up to him,

"Well...I guess it worked." I said putting my hands around his neck. He put his arms around my waist.

"And I guess Santa's gay." I chuckled.

"I guess so."

"Merry Christmas, Teme."

"Merry Christmas, Dobe." I leaned in for another kiss.

* * *

**Yes children, that was a quoat from the movie Knocked Up, the thing about 'where babies come from'. mmhmm. Please review? It will make my seemingly useless life seem useful!**


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